He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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