Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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