We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
