Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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