What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
