Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
