the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
