I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I need moral support for this bender
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
