there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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