Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
