Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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