apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
