I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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