there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Im just a social blackout drinker.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Vodka?
Forever.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
