i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
