the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
