He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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