smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize
