fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
