I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
