Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
