I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
