She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?