my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
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my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
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Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires