well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.