So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
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she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
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He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"