he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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