if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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