after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
