Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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