I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
