good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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