hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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