No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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