don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
