K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
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how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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