I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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