I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
