Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
