i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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