So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
