How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
how does that bad decision feel?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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