Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
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