She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
