You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
