whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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