i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
