are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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