HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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