9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We just shotgunned beers for America
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
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