Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
