I think i peed on brittanys purse
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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