you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
