i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize