you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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