I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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