I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
