Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
