Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
well you can't waste a boner
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
