And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The power of my boobs compel you
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
