Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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