We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
