i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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