I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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