I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize