I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
