he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
